Traversing The Underground
by Makou
Summary: In the attic of a Borphee home, a diary dating from the days of Belwit the Flat is found... A Zork fanfic, of all things.
1. Augur 15, 865 GUE: The Discovery

Notes: Despite the prologue, most of this story will be in a diary format. Zork belongs to Activision and Infocom and if they really loved me, they'd make another game in the series.

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**Traversing The Underground:**

**The Travel Diary Of Kie Dalvar, Adventuress**

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By Makou Augur 15, 865 

            During the reign of Idwit Oogle Flathead, a housecleaner named Frederick Selmax made a curious discovery. Whilst cleaning out the attic of his employer's slightly smallish ancestral home in Greater Borphee, he found a ratty old notebook with the words 'My Travel Diary' scrawled on the front. In between the covers were pages and pages full of entries. They were difficult to read; whoever wrote them obviously hadn't taken advantage of the Frobozz Magic Company series of mail-order penmanship lessons. Not knowing what to do with the notebook, he put it aside to ask his employer about once he finished his task.

            Once he did so, he carefully picked up the notebook and went to the sitting room. His employer, Lord Minfiz, was smoking a Frobozz Magic Rich Bastard Cigar while he sat in an overstuffed chair and complained loudly to his wife about whatever was on his mind. Frederick coughed in what he thought was attention-grabbing yet not too obtrusive way.

            "Sir?" he said.

            "What is it?" asked Lord Minfiz gruffly. "Finished with the attic, have you, lad?"

            "Yes, sir," said Frederick, who was thirty-five and had a wife and two children and thus not 'lad' material. "I found this, though, and I was wondering what to do with it."

            Lord Minfiz stuck his arm out and motioned for Frederick to come forward. The servant did so and placed the notebook into Lord Minfiz's outstretched hand. The nobleman scrutinized the front and inside cover for over a minute before looking up again.

            "Still here, are you?" he said. "Go find something else to do."

            "Yes, sir," said Frederick. Truth was he couldn't actually think of any housework that needed to be done, so he sauntered off to the kitchen instead. The cook was always ready for a game of Double Fanucci, despite how bad he was at it.

            "What exactly is it, dear?" asked Lady Minfiz.

            "Hmmm?"

            "That thing Frederick gave to you. Since you seem rather absorbed by it, I'd like to know what it is."

            Several minutes passed.

            "_Gruder_! You didn't answer my question!"

            "What question?" asked Lord Minfiz, now running on automatic in regards to everything else in the world.

            Lady Minfiz, who recognized this state of mind her husband had lapsed into, stood up, walked over to him and snatched the notebook right out of his unsuspecting and thus unresisting hands. Only then did Lord Minfiz look up.

            "Hand that back, woman," he said. "Couldn't you see I was reading that?"

            "Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," the 'woman' snarled. "Since you couldn't be bothered to answer my question, I suppose I'm forced to do so myself, don't you agree?" She returned to her seat and began her own examination of the notebook.

            "Kie Dalvar? Who is Kie Dalvar?" she asked.

            "An ancestor of mine," answered Lord Minfiz, silently plotting to the steal the book back as soon as his wife's guard was down. This was a tougher task than one might think.

            "Really… The first entry was written in 700 GUE… That was during the reign of Belwit the Flat, was it not?"

            "_Yes_, Ebna."

            "I think I will retire to my room until supper," announced Lady Minfiz. "Be a dear and have Frederick arrange for an appointment with Polboz for tomorrow."

            "_Yes_, Ebna."

            "Don't you 'Yes, Ebna' me."

            "Of course not, Ebna."

            "Better."

  



	2. Estuary 1, 700 GUE: Happy Entharion Day!

Notes: Now for the main part of the story. I decided to make a bit of an adjustment to the format. The first part of the chapter will be the standard diary entry and the second part will be typical third-person prose. Zork belongs to Activision and Infocom and if they really loved me, they'd make another game in the series.

PS: Thank you, Bob, for reviewing. You kicketh ass, verily.

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**Traversing The Underground:**

**The Travel Diary Of Kie Dalvar, Adventuress**

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By Makou Estuary 1, 700 GUE 

_Dear Diary,_

_            Happy Entharion Day!_

_            A new century, a new diary. Hurrah. But you know, 'Dear Diary' is kind of clichéd, isn't it? I'll call you Jimbo, instead. If you don't like it, it doesn't matter, since you don't really exist._

_            Tomorrow I'm leaving Egreth and setting out to the Eastlands. It's the thing for people my age to do these days, I guess. Go east, go underground, do such-and-such, and come back with a few stories to make your parents feel real old. Seems like fun to me, so that's why I'm doing it too. Besides, I'm not really needed there. I've got two sisters and a brother I'm sure could stand doing some work for a change._

_            Who am I kidding? This is my family I'm talking about. Oh well, I need a vacation. See me caring._

            Speaking of my family, there's a good number of them here now. You know, since it's Entharion Day and all. It's a good excuse to get all the aunts and uncles and cousins together to get plastered. I can't join them, though. Just one drink gets me drunk. I found that out last Entharion Day, which was the first holiday I celebrated legal. The parents had to drag over the wizard from two blocks down to whip up a cure for my hangover the next morning. Don't ask me why I'm so sensitive to the stuff. I think someone cursed me when I was a baby. That sort of thing happens a lot…

            It was indeed Entharion Day and it seemed like the whole population was intent on draining the capital of every last drop of alcohol. Fortunately, they had a good head start the previous day, which was not only the last day of the century, but also the anniversary of the Flathead dynasty's beginning. Of course, said 'dynasty' had only two rulers in it so far, but damned if it didn't look as if it were going to be a long one.

            Unfortunately for Kie, she was honest when she told her diary that she couldn't join in on the drinking and quaffing. Instead, she was forced to keep her various younger cousins entertained and out of the liquor cabinet. It didn't strike her as fair, so she decided to spread the dissatisfaction around.

            "Kiiiieeeeee!" screeched her cousin Ebur, he of the permanently runny nose. "I'm booooooored!"

            "Do you see me caring?" asked Kie, still very bitter about her ill fortune. "No? Then shut-up and keep sweeping." She was currently sitting behind the counter of her parents' store with her feet on the counter.            

            "Back 'n 'Ntharia, on 'Ntharion Day, me 'nd my mum and dad usta play with fireworks 'nd they were pretty 'nd green 'nd red n'd blue…" said Denise, who was taking inventory.

            "Betcha didn't have ta work, then," said Simon. "I didn't. So why do we have ta, now?"

            "Because you're going to have to get used to it someday, that's why," said Kie. "And because your cousin Kie is feeling pretty damned pissed off. If it makes you feel better, this wasn't my idea."

            "Whose was it, then?"

            "Your parents'. Whose else?"

            "That's not true," said Denise. "My mum 'nd dad love me."

            "You only have their word for it." Kie paused and furrowed her brow at the ceiling. She could just barely hear someone whispering over the general noise that was her cousins working. She turned her head to the origin of the whispering.

            "Frowell! Jillis!" she barked at a pair of ten year olds congregating by the window. "What are you up to over there? Get back to work!"

            "I don't think we will, actually," said Jillis, whom Kie always thought was a bit of a smart-ass.

            "Really?" said Kie, her tone taking a dangerous edge. "Why don't you think so?"

            "I've decided to form a union," said Jillis simply. "The conditions you're subjecting us workers to are unfair and thus we deserve representation."

            "That's very nice. Get back to work."

            "I don't think you understand," said Jillis. "If you do not give us a two-hour break and three cookies each, we will be forced to strike.

            "Barring the fact that I don't have enough cookies for all of you, I'll have to think about your other demand for a bit," said Kie. "There, I've thought. No."

            Jillis snapped her smooth, white fingers, which Kie suspected hadn't been put to any sort of work before this day. "All right, my oppressed kinsmen! Strike!"

            Faster than a peckish Grue, all twelve of the chronologically impaired cousins began to shout. Most of them were shouting, "Strike! Strike! Strike!" but the youngest ones, due to a bit of confusion, were shouting, "Rake! Rake! Rake!"

            "Do you hear that, you bourgeois capitalist pig dog?" shouted Jillis above the din. "That's the sound of the workers!"

            Kie closed her eyes and massaged her forehead. Sweet Yoruk, why did Jillis' parents give her political literature? Were they consciously trying to make peoples' lives a living hell? She took a deep long breath and…

            She stood up and smiled a nice, fake smile. "Quiet, please? Quiet, please? Don't make me have to spank you all. Thank you."

            Kie cleared her throat and continued. "Now, I'm sure that Jillis has told you all sorts of stories about a 'worker's paradise' and 'cookies flowing like a river', am I right?" There was a chorus of agreement.

            "But she left out some important facts. I'm sure you've all heard of Grues, right?" Another chorus of agreement. "That's good, that's good. You've probably heard that they eat bad little boys and girls who go underground without a working light source. But did you know that they also eat bad little boys and girls who start a proletariat revolution?"

            "That's not true!" yelled Jillis. "She's lying to you, like all oppressors do!"

            "She's only saying that because she's in league with the Grues," said Kie.

            "I am not!"

            "She is."

            The children began to furiously whisper amongst themselves. Eventually, Frowell stepped forward.

            "You lied to me!" he shouted, pointing a finger at Jillis. "You lied to all of us! 'Proletariat Revolution', my left pinky!"

            "But!" said Jillis feebly.

            "Now, now, children," said Kie, wanting to prevent Jillis from being lynched no matter how much she infuriated her. "We should forgive our enemies and steer them onto the path of righteousness. Isn't that right?"

            "Yes, Kie," said the disappointed crowd.

            "Good. Glad you understand. But there should be some sort of punishment in order. So you're going to have to clean the privy, Jillis."

            "The privy?" whined Jillis. "Ewwww!"

            "Serves you right," said Kie. "The lesson for the day is: 'revolution never pays'. Unless you're Duncanthrax, of course, but none of you are him, are you? Now… back to work!"

            "Awwww…" But they went back to work regardless.

            Kie sighed and sat back down. She put her legs back up on the counter, put her hands behind her head and closed her eyes.

            She'd be so damned glad to get out of here.


	3. Estuary 2, 700 GUE: Travelling Companion...

Notes: La dee dee. The story continues. Zork belongs to Activision and Infocom and if they really loved me, they'd make another game in the series.

PS: Your comments are appreciated, Kerewin. I'm glad I managed to succeed at the whole 'humor' concept I keep hearing about.

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**Traversing The Underground:**

**The Travel Diary Of Kie Dalvar, Adventuress**

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By Makou Estuary 2, 700 GUE 

_Dear Jimbo,_

            There. Much better. 'Dear Jimbo' makes me feel less like an overgrown schoolgirl.

            I'm finally leaving today. It couldn't come too soon; a few of the bratlings whined to the adults about what I made them do yesterday. You think they'd be happy that some noble soul such as myself took it upon them to instill something called 'work ethic' into them, but no. Jillis' parents especially. They gave me one hell of a long lecture about subjecting their precious Jilly to such 'horrendous injustice' or something along those lines. I stopped listening after the first five minutes. Who could blame me? They're as bad as their daughter. Scratch that, they're worse because they're older and presumably should know better.

            But why should I worry about any of that nonsense anymore? I'm leaving this ramshackle… Okay, this city's not exactly ramshackle seeing as it's the capital and it would be kind of embarrassing for the whole kingdom if it were. So I'm leaving this city with nice architecture and clean streets behind and heading out for the boonies.

            Something doesn't seem right with that sentence…

            Kie rummaged through her pack as she tried to make damned sure she didn't miss a single thing. She was pretty sure she hadn't, but one of the first rules of traveling dictates that if you don't make absolutely, 100% sure, you'll accidentally forget some small but very necessary object. And even then, it wasn't guaranteed that said small but very necessary object hadn't sneaked its way back into your dresser drawer when your back was turned.

            Lantern… check. Diary… check. Bag of Zorkmids… check. Spenseweed… check. Enough morgia root to feed a starving Gurthian family for a month… check.

            "Everything seems to be in order," said Kie to no one in particular. "I guess I'd better go before someone makes me do something stupid like watch the cousins again." She threw on her coat and hat and slung her pack over her shoulder. This was it. It was time to go.

            Kie walked out her bedroom and down the stairs. She did so quietly as she wasn't eager to alert her relatives to her presence and thus be greeted with a round of steely glares. Or end up embroiled in yet another discussion of whether it was right to make young, innocent Jilly clean the privy. As she made her way across the sitting room where a good percentage of her relatives were dozing without alerting any of them, she felt she was successful.

            When she reached the front door and saw her Uncle Lorik standing there, she realized that she was wrong.

            "You're blocking the door," Kie said simply, gazing at Lorik impassively.

            "Really? I hadn't noticed," said Lorik. He didn't move. "I have a suggestion for you, Kie."

            "Go ahead, tell me. Just so long as you quit blocking the door afterwards."

            "Not the most patient person in the world, are you? Anyways…" He pulled out a piece of parchment. "I'd like you to travel with the son of a friend of mine. After all, this will be your first time abroad, won't it?"

            "Yes… But why should I go along with this boy you're talking about?" she asked. "Won't he slow me down and be a general waste of resources?"

            Lorik chuckled at that. "The 'boy' is nineteen years old and quite a prodigy as far as magic's concerned. I don't think he'll slow you down."

            "So then he'll be complaining the whole time about how I'm slowing him down. Great. Sign me up."

            "Look, this is his first journey as well and I promised his father I'd find him someone to accompany him," Lorik said, getting a trifle impatient himself. "So please, do a favor for your poor Uncle Lorik and meet with him!"

            Kie rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, why not, it's not as if I have a life or anything. What's his name, anyways?"

            Lorik coughed. This seemed to be the part he was dreading judging by the now pinkish hue of his face. "His name is Redaboz, but…"

            "But what?"

            "Remember that you promised to meet with him."

            "Yes. Now getting back to that 'but'. What about it?"

            Lorik decided at that point to examine an interesting knothole on the wall. "He prefers to be called Megaboz."

            "Megaboz?" said Kie, stifling a laugh. "Think he's a bit of an egomaniac?"

            "Well, he is a bit vain, but he's still not a bad young man…"

            "Megaboz?"

            "Yes," said Lorik wretchedly. "Megaboz."

            "Okay, I guess I'll go meet with this…" Kie broke out into giggles. "Megaboz!"

            "Here's the address where he's at," said Lorik, still not looking at his niece and holding out the parchment to her. "Please tell me you'll try to get along…"

            "Yes, Uncle Lorik. You have my solemn word," said Kie, suddenly very serious. It was obvious she was faking it. She took the parchment. "Now get out of the way, please."

            Lorik did so. "Goodbye, Kie. Be sure to send plenty of letters."

            "Sure, Uncle Lorik. I will." Kie twisted the doorknob and pulled open the door. "Tell my mom and dad that if my dear siblings don't pull their weight around the store, they have my full permission to feed them to dornbeasts.

            "I'll be sure to pass your message along," said Lorik. "Safe journeys."

            "Thanks. Bye for now!" She went outside and shut the door behind her.

            The streets of Egreth were not busy at this time, despite it being afternoon. It was generally understood that the day after Entharion Day was once last holiday before everyone went back to work. Well, it wasn't really a 'holiday' as such. It was a 'sleep off the mother of all hangovers you earned the previous evening' day. These distinctions are important.

            Kie peered at the parchment. Reda- no, Megaboz's address was written clearly on it and was bolded, underlined and had little stars drawn around it.

            "57 East Unknown Road…" she muttered. "At least it isn't far from here."

            It only took her ten minutes to get there. When she did, she found herself in front of a middle class home whose owners apparently wanted to look upper middle class. The pretension was almost tangible. She went and knocked on the heavy oaken doors, ignored the knocker entirely.

            Eventually, a balding man around Lorik's age answered the door. Judging by the clothing, he seemed to be the master of the house. Apparently, Megaboz's family thought decorations were more important than servants.

            "Sorry, no solicitations," said the man primly. He began to close the door, but Kie wedged her foot in the doorway. It was the first but not the last time on this journey that she would be thankful to have worn such heavy boots.

            "I'm here to pick up Megaboz," she said. "My Uncle Lorik sent me.

            Kie saw the man's eyebrows rise. "Lorik sent you? I apologize for my rudeness. Please wait one moment…"

            "Redaboz!" he bellowed. "It's time for you to leave!" Kie could hear footsteps somewhere from within that house, not too loud and a bit on the slow side. Eventually, she could see a black-haired, sullen looking youth with a pack levitating behind him. The youth prodded his father gently to move aside and the father complied. He looked Kie up and down.

            "Just whose bright idea was it to send an undergrown clerk-in-training to travel with me?" he asked of the world in general.

            And then Kie hit him on the head with her own pack.

            It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship, for certain.


	4. Estuary 4, 700 GUE: Tripping And Stumbli...

Notes: After a day's hiatus, I continue onward. Sue me! I met Terry Pratchett yesterday! That's worth a day of not writing, if you ask me. Zork belongs to Activision and Infocom and if they really loved me, they'd make another game in the series.

PS: Thank thee, Bob, for reviewing again. If anyone else out there is reading this, I'd appreciate if you wrote a review yourself.

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**Traversing The Underground:**

**The Travel Diary Of Kie Dalvar, Adventuress**

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By Makou Estuary 4, 700 GUE 

_Dear Jimbo,_

            Sweet Yoruk, could you please tell me what I did to deserve such an arrogant asshole as a traveling companion?

            This is the second full day I've been on the road with him and he's still as bad as he was when I met him. I'm still angry about that, in case you haven't figured it out. 'Undergrown clerk-in-training'? Yoruk, I want to strangle that bastard. I wanted to call off the whole deal then and there, but no, wizard boy's father insisted. Actually, he made some very thinly veiled threats to both Redaboz and me. Yes, I'm calling him by his real name. I do it because it pisses him off.

            Tomorrow, we'll be arriving in Tidanni-by-the-Sea where we'll be catching a ship to Port Foozle. I'm planning on stranding him in Antharia when the ship stops there for a few days mid-voyage. I'll have to find a way around his damned magic, though. Hopefully, with all the showing off he does, he'll be magicked out by the time I strike.

            It's times like this that I wish I had bothered to learn how magic actually worked…

            "I know with all the time you spend behind a counter you don't get much exercise but even still, you're hideously slow," said Megaboz.

            "My humble apologies," said Kie, her voice top-heavy with sarcasm. "You see, Redaboz, some of us can't actually levitate our belongings in the air behind us as we travel. Incredible concept, isn't it?"

            "Hmph. There's no need to be jealous. And you will refer to me as 'Megaboz'. I was sure that I made that clear to you, but maybe you're a bit more dull-witted than I thought."

            "And I was sure I made it clear to you that you were to refer to me as 'Goddess of Everything', but apparently you were too dull-witted to understand that."

            Megaboz snorted. "'Goddess of Everything'? Don't be ridiculous."

            "It's not much more ridiculous than 'Megaboz'. Do you have any idea how incredibly pretentious that sounds?"

            "I just chose a name that matched my talent," said Megaboz. "I don't see what's wrong with that. Now, hurry it up. At this rate, it'll be another century before we reach the harbor."

            "…arrogant son-of-a…" Kie muttered under her breath.

            "What was that?"

            "Nothing. Just clearing my throat, oh high and mighty Megaboz, whose shit doth not stink."

            Megaboz whispered a single word that Kie couldn't make out and sent a blue lightning bolt racing towards her feet. Kie saw it coming and hopped out of the way, just in time for the bolt to connect with the ground she previously stood on. There was a tiny explosion.

            "How very mature and original," said Kie, looking down at the electric-blue dirt. "Just how many times have you tried that so far? Five, six times? And you know, I could have sworn that according to the Unnatural Acts, it's illegal to use anything but healing or life-saving spells on a person without their permission."

            "It's probably just a guideline," said Megaboz dismissively.

            "Sure," said Kie, not thinking about turning him into the appropriate authorities at all. Not that she'd be able to make charges stick with no witnesses and no physical evidence, but it would annoy him...

            Some four hours passed. The sky was now a lovely shade of dark blue and was sprinkled liberally with stars. The pair had been walking nearly the whole of that time and Kie was feeling the ill effects. She had difficulty keeping her eyes open and she kept stumbling on little dips and rises on the road.

            "Redaboz," she said, sounding like death warmed over. "Let's stop for the night. I'm too tired to go on."

            "Just a bloit or two more," said Megaboz. Kie was pleased to hear that he didn't sound much better than she did. "Then we'll stop."

            "A couple of bloits won't make any difference and we need time to sleep." Then she tripped on a fallen tree branch.

            She fell to the ground, thrusting her hands out in front of her to break her fall. It still hurt, though, and the pain in her hands told her that they had been scraped. Megaboz, to her amazement and suspicion, rushed over to her when it registered in his brain that she fell and helped her up.

            "Spenseweed, I need Spenseweed," said Kie once she was upright again. "Where's my pack?"

            "It fell off your shoulder when you fell," said Megaboz. "Here's the spenseweed."

            Kie took the herbs and rubbed them between her palms. "Thank you. Pack?"

            "Here you are." He handed the pack to her as well. "You were right, we should stop for the night." Kie peered at him with narrowed eyes for a moment, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

            And when they were all bunkered down for the night, a voiced just beyond the edge of normal hearing called out.

            Hello? Hello? Where am I? Auntie Em?

            Megaboz heard it, though. He snickered quietly.

            It serves Miss Clerk right, he thought before sailing off to sleep.


	5. Estuary 5, 700 GUE: The Advent Of Jimbo

Notes: Continuing onwards... Zork belongs to Activision and Infocom and if they really loved me, they'd make another game in the series.

PS: I'll see what I can do about Redaboz, Kerewin. Somehow, though, I think his ego will survive relatively unscathed. (A tapestry in Megaboz's hut in Zork Zero: "Forget the rest; Megaboz is the best.) If anyone else out there is reading this, review. Please? Lives are on the line here, peoples!

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**Traversing The Underground:**

**The Travel Diary Of Kie Dalvar, Adventuress**

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By Makou Estuary 5, 700 GUE 

_Dear Kie, (At least, I think that's your name.)_

            Where am I? Auntie Em? Wilbur? Chief? McCloud? I'm scared. It's dark and it's cold and strangely papery. Hello? Is anyone listening to me? Anyone? There's no place like home! There's no place like home!

            Wait, where's home? What's my name, that's an even bigger question. Wait… Jimbo. Yes, that's right Jimbo. Silly name, but it's the only one I have in this dark, unpleasant and above all, papery world.

            I feel so very lonely. I need a hug.

- Jimbo

"SAINT YORUK ON A POGO STICK!" shouted Kie, waking Megaboz from a pleasant dream involving squirrels and flowers and empire destroying.

"What is it now, Miss Clerk?" grumbled Megaboz.

"You did something to it, didn't you?" said Kie, waving her diary in Megaboz's general direction. "Fess up!"

"About what, pray tell?"

"About this!" She shoved the open diary under Megaboz's nose.

"Oh boy, first few hours of bookish sentience and already people are yelling at me. I feel so unloved. - Jimbo

"Oh, that," said Megaboz dismissively. "I just did a little adjustment to your diary after your little fall. I thought it could stand an improvement."

"Redaboz, you son of a…" began Kie.

"Uh uh uh!" Megaboz shook his index finger at Kie in a very aggravating way. "I told you, it's 'Megaboz'. And you're hurting poor little Jimbo's feelings." He pointed the finger down at the still-open diary.

I'm sorry, so sorry. Did I offend someone? Am I not wanted here? Is it because of my writing style? I can change it, if you really want. – Jimbo

"See?" said Megaboz.

"No, no, you don't have to change your writing style," said Kie to her diary. "It's a wonderful style, so please, don't blubber."

Oh, thank you! I'm just very sensitive right now, being so very young and innocent right now… I also have a strange craving for carrot cake. Is that normal? - Jimbo

Kie furrowed her brow. "Carrot cake?"

I guess it isn't normal, then. It's very strange, if you ask me, seeing as I don't have a mouth and shouldn't even know what carrot cake is. – Jimbo

"Excuse me, Miss Clerk?" said Megaboz.

"Just what do you want now, Redaboz? Can't you see that I'm in the middle of a conversation?"

"I see that, I see that…" said Megaboz. "I just wanted to point out that before I cast that little spell on your ever so precious diary, I had a chance to read a bit of it."

Kie blanched and looked at Megaboz disbelievingly. He wouldn't… No, wait, this was Redaboz they were talking about. Of course he would. In fact, he probably saw it as his Implementor-given right to do so. How silly of her to think otherwise.

"I just wanted to tell you that your little plan to strand me in Antharia won't work. And yes, you really should learn how magic works before you even begin to think about taking me on."

"Shit!"

"Indeed. Oh, and about that incident with your cousins…"

"What about it?" Kie glared at Megaboz.

"Just were you expecting to keep them in line once they actually began to learn about grues? I would have threatened to turn them all into bat guano."

"Maybe," said Kie through clenched teeth. "Because some of us can't actually turn our little cousins into bat guano, much as we'd like to! You know, the whole 'no magic' thing?"

"Now whose fault is that?"

"Even if it were," said Kie. "Just how many people in the world do you think have as much natural talent at it as you do? Hmmm?"

"Why, is this an inadvertent compliment?" asked Megaboz in mock amazement. "How incredible!"

"Whatever. I might as well compliment you for having black hair. It would mean as much."

Hello? I'm feeling a bit lonely. – Jimbo

"But you see, Redaboz, some of us aren't so damned gifted and have to actually, oh, I don't know, work to get anywhere in life," said Kie, not noticing Jimbo as she wasn't looking at the diary.

I really wish I had vocal chords. It would make my life so much easier. – Jimbo

"There's a certain amount of studying and researching involved too, you know," said Megaboz sulkily. "Do you honestly think I was born knowing how to turn purple things invisible?"

"So that's what happened to my socks! I should've known you were behind it!" said Kie.

"Well? They were ugly socks!"

I'd really like it if someone looked at me now. – Jimbo

"They were not!"

"They were so!"

Please? I'm having self esteem issues here. – Jimbo

"They were not! Now apologize!"

"I will not! No jury in the land would convict me once they knew how ugly those socks were! Now shut-up so we have a chance of making it to Tiddani-by-the-Sea before the apocalypse!" He stood up and began walking. His pack followed in the air behind him.

Nobody knows the trouble I see… Nobody knows but Quakko… - Jimbo

"That asshole. It's not as if that bloody town's even very far," muttered Kie. She slammed Jimbo shut, threw her pack over her shoulder and began following Megaboz. "I'll get him back before this trip's ended, I swear it…"

Who turned out the lights? – Jimbo


End file.
